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Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth....

they say time heal all wounds, i definitely hope so in a case for me.

this is just gonna be a really random entry cause i dont know what to blog about. well, good day ya all and god bless u in ur everyday walk with HIM.


Just Once
James Ingram

I did my best
But I guess my best wasn't good enough
'Cause here we are back where we were before
Seems nothing ever changes
We're back to being strangers
Wondering if we oughta stay
Or head on out the door

Just once can't we figure out what we keep doing wrong
Why we never last for very long
What are we doing wrong
Just once can't we find a way to finally make it right
Make the magic last for more than just one night
If we could just get to it
I know we could break through it

I gave my all
But I think my all may have been too much
'Cause Lord knows we're not getting anywhere
Seems we're always blowing whatever we got going
And seems at times with all we've got
We haven't got a prayer
Just once can't we figure out what we keep doing wrong
Why the good times never last for very long
Seems we're always blowing
Whatever we got going

Just once can't we find a way to finally make it right
Make the magic last for more than just one night
If we could just get to it
I know we could break through it

Just once I want to understand
Why it always come back to good-bye
Why can't we get ourselves in hand
And admit to one another
That we're no good without the other
Take the best and make it better
Find a way to stay together

Just once can't we find a way to finally make it right
Make the magic last for more than just one night
I know we can break through it
If we could just get to it

Just once
If we could get to it

Just Once...

hmm..oh wells...... :]

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

i'm afraid to disappoint my parents.

i'm afraid to disaapoint everyone who places high hopes on me/have faith that i'll do well.

most importantly, i'm afraid to disappoint myself. ):

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

had my english oral and it was good. at first, as usual, i was panicking like mad. well, then you know i had the assurance of my friends and well, most importantly, i placed my trust in Jesus. (: gracia and i prayed in the toilet and well, i felt god's presence! even in the toilet okay! assembled at 2.10 and then i realised smth. shit! they're both males teachers! hgfldsjfghlsdsflgj whereas the other two grps had female teachers. i was like thinking crap, i've nvr come across any male teachers for oral before!

right, so when it was my turn. i saw a smiley face in my and the word 'ENJOY'. (: haha so i took a deep breath and started reading. then went to picture. and then to conversation. i really enjoyed myself and i was like just talking to them like they're my friends. haha ogay, sounds weird but like who cares huh. we're supposed to have two qns for conversation right? then one of the teachers said this.

him : since you're so enthusiastic, can i just ask you one more qns?
me : yupp, sure! -smiles-

and the topic for conversation was relatively easy as compared to the other days and do you know why ours is easy? its because of the grace of God. four of his beloved daughters are taking the oral so of course by his grace, it was made easy for us. thank you abba for that. really blessed you know. (: and so, thank you JEsus for putting me one step closer to my dream.

finally, a load is off my chest. that heavy burden which ive been carrying it. its finally over. and if your smart, you probably know what i mean. well, at first i thought i was gonna cry but i didnt. it turned out pretty okay and well, thank god i found a brother! he look to me as a sister and well, that is good enough i suppose. so one down. then i messaged someone whose friendship means a lot to me, but the friendship sorta disappeared. yeah am waiting for his reply. daddy lord, i pray that you'll help me with this yeah? amen. you know all my problems are all in god's hands and i dont wanna live a life in which when im an adult, i look back at my life and i regret the things which i could have done,but didnt do.

i wanna live a life where my dreams come true and i'm not gonna live in regrets. have you ever wished you've done smth but you didnt, probably because your afraid? well, dont feel like that. you know, try and achieve what you want. so that if you fail, you can tell urself that you've try. the worst is not to try. and of course have faith in Jesus. believe that whoever he has placed in your life is for a reason and purpose. i strongly believe in it.

Friday, August 12, 2005

): & (:

ogay, this is really making me feel so stranded!! i dont really know what to do!! arghargh. got back chi Os result. well, im not happy. but i cant say im unhappy too. I KNEW THAT SIXTEEN YEAR OLD THINGY WAS GONNA BE MY SHITASS DOWNFALL MAN.WTFWTF!!?? and so you probably could have guess. i got an A2. i so really want to screamshoutslap myself for being so freaking careless! oh well, but i dont think im gonna retake. yupp. so im one step closer to my dream. really have to put in more efforts. i gotta secure my other 5 subjects. but i really gotta thank god for guiding me thru the chinese Os. without him, i really am nothing.

history mock was okay i suppose. source base was quite difficult. seq was..well, no comments. i hope i do well though. yeah so the next one to conquer is ENGLISH ORAL ON MONDAY. i pray that i can secure a distinction for orals yeah? im gonna enjoy the oral. amen. thank you abba for being there for me. i know im gonna stumble and get so nervous i wanna pee like every minute but lord, i know there you're there to keep me calm and talk to me. thank you for that. (: i love you because u first loved.

so im just gonna read the papers, do my bio (29 pages), talk to gracia and go to sleep. bio lessons tmr 730am! and im so super blessed to be able to get in mr njoo's class k! damn, i put in effort for bio man, but of course i know its god's grace heh..and i like bio now. (: so yeah no complains! then ill be going for dare. yay! havent seen all my friends for such a long long time. though its only two weeks, i feel its like so super long man! right, so i think i shall go do my stuff now and have a gd rest later!

GO CLARICE GO CLARICE GO CLARICE!!!!!!!
i needed this for motivation.and im writing them like everywhere on my book now, zhuang will be able to tell u that. oh wells, as long as i like it. heh. god bless ya all! (:


Wednesday, August 10, 2005

we like our fun and we never fight
you cant dance and stay uptight
its a supernatural delight
everybody was dancing in the moonlight

dancing in the moonlight
everybodys feeling warm and bright
its such a fine and natural sight
everybodys dancing in the moonlight

chapter 3

Effects of the war
-casualities (human lifes)
-cost($_$)
-damages(people didnt wanna have war anymore)

The Paris Peace Conference
-France(mean shit)
-Britain(didnt want germany to be too weak b/c of communism)
-USA(didnt wanna get involved)
-Italy(wanted land)
-Germany(not included,obviously not happy)

The Treaty of Versailles
-War guilt clause 231(germany have to accept full blame)
-Reparations(blank cheque)
-German armed forces(kept really small)
-German colonies
-New countries in Europe

Weaknesses of the LON
-Membership
1.USA, germany and Russia not included
2.Not fair to all races
-Power(only imposed economic sanctions,not really useful cause it affected their own economy too)
-unable to stop germany, italy and japan when they were in dispute

Success of LON
-Aaland Islands between Sweden and Finland
-stopped Greek invasion of Bulgaria

gsdjghljsdfhgjsh;ksdfgjsdfhgdfg;jh
this is what history mock does.


HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY ZHUANG SHU! (: (:

ogay, yupp its zhuang shu's bday today and well, just wanna wish her a blessed birthday today. am very blessed to be able to sit beside her in class. (: no other seats i'd rather choose than sitting beside her. (:

i'm still not getting over my problems, but its okay. i dont intend to do anything. ill let my abba handle everything. school for thursday and friday and then its the weekend again! (: there's dare this week. kinda miss it.

history mock exams tmr and i know im gonna need god's grace and favors. there's still quite some stuff to do. and like less than 3 months to O levels. ogay, time to start some serious studying people!

we'll realise our dreams of going to the JCs we want..you and me, together we'll make it with god. amen. it didnt matter what they say now, cause in the end, we're gonna soar like eagles...


happy national day! time really flies...

havent really been updating cause i was really busy!well, i shall sum up my week or so..just to let everyone know how im doing yeah? this week was great except that im having my downs right now. aww..makes me think so much yet again. the problem with me is i think too much and i let my feelings control me. ogay, that sucks.

friday 05/07/05
had physics mock exams..went for fop after that. fop was reallyreally good. hillsongs&delirious. wan and i waited for like 2+ hours and it was freaking hot! like wow! i dont need a tan do i? nope, i dont. haha. well, sat with bernadette in front and i felt god's presence! reached home at abt 12 plus and knockout(K.O) straight away.

saturday 06/07/05
woke up at 6+ (had like only 6 hours of slp which is definitely not enough for a person like me) went to sch for bio lessons + bio test. then stayed back in sch till 1+ for full english paper mock exams. :] five day week. yes, how nice. went home to slack for a while before meeting gracia, huizhi, joanne, wanli, zhuang shu, amanda, david and qiwei. headed for marina bay for some national day thingy. yeah, it was so hot again!! watched the fireworks. awesomeawesome. then we walked all the way from marina bay to suntec. no kidding, tough walking. was perspiring like mad. this tells me i need to do some exercise soon? :] went for the bday party after that. well, didnt even stay there for more than 2 hours. ahah. reached home at 12 plus and then i K.O straight away too. a pity i couldnt make it for fop.. oh wells.


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us! (:
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zhuang trees(shu) :p



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gracia and me! <3


sunday 07/07/05
woke up at 6+ again (this time surviving on only six hours of sleep again) and went for first service. (: serene didnt come cause she wasnt feeling well, hope she is now! after that, rachel and i went to meet gracia and her friends for fop! this time waiting for more than three hours!! and it was soso hot again!! but yeah, we played games and told lame jokes. heh. i just love lame jokes, not the extreme ones though. got good seats and this time, praise&worship was really really good. felt god's presence strongly. after that, took a cab home with gracia and rachel. K.O straight away. haha.

monday 08/07/05
went to sch in the morning. lousy national day celebration. i think its one of the worst celebrations ive ever came across. ogay, not that it mattered much. i love singapore in my heart right? (: cca commendation after that and it made me realised that i've been studying in hsc for four years. and my sec one days just felt like it happened yesterday. the feeling when i first stepped into the school. ogay, memories just came gushing back. went home after that. got ready to go out with rachel. went to suntec and we watched the wedding crashers. it was damn funny like mad. crazy movie. me and rachel are really good shoppers k! cause we walked and walked and walked till our feet hurts! well, then we went back home and slacked. (:

and today..
well, i pratically did nth much except to slp cause i felt so tired. and you probably realised something. i didnt mention the word 'study' nor 'books'. ahah. ogay, i didnt study at all. crap, and my prelims are so near! well, and im feeling kinda down cause something unpleasant happened. thank god for friends though..for their support and love. serene,gracia,huizhi&zhuang shu..yeah so i guess im feeling neutral now. dont know what to do at all. nope, not a single clue. i dont know how i should feel, neither do i know how i should react. i dont know at all. i dont know what i should do next. ): and its hurting me hell lots. abba, help me. and i was just thinking about the 'whys' and the 'whats' and the 'how come(s)'. the more i thought about it, the more i think life is meaningless. then i read this from someone's blog and i thought it was really meaningful..

God has blessed me with life. i believe the best way i can show him how much i love Him and the gift He's given me is by living life to the fullest.

and this sentence just mean so much to me. i dont know what to say or do. do you see the beauty that lies within? abba, grant me strength to get thru this tough time in my journey called life..i cant handle this problem at all. nope, and its not within my means to do anything else. it just dawned on me that i have been trying too much, trying to make something happen, trying to do what i can,or maybe even what i cannot do, trying to make something happen. i've been trying too much to this point i feel its pointless to continue, but i dont want it to end. you know how much i yearned for this. you know lord, only you do. help me abba. amen.