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Tuesday, April 19, 2005

alright, as from today, 19/4/2005, im gonna start everything anew. yeah tts whats gonna happen. these few days hasnt been pleasantly well since friday when some idiotic ^%$#@!& stole my phone and subsequently, everything starts to fall out of place. yeah and ive been feeling quite down and guilty and i hate myself for feeling like that. it just feels so weird. obviously this affected me a lot and i havent been spending time on the things that i want to do. -guilty- my routine for these few days are just slacking and sleeping and slacking and still sleeping. which sucks.

hence, i think i shld change. shldnt dwell on such things anymore. i have God. tts all i need i suppose and i guess the one whos there all along for me was Jesus. you know it when hes there. hugging you and saying ' I Love You' you just know it. the warmth. and ive decided to end that friendship which i held dearly to. one which he would not care nor give a shit abt it. yeah no more cold war or whatsoever. you know it kinda hurts when you treat someone as dear as your brother and all you wish was for him to talk to you? i did try. it failed. there's no point in carrying on ever when all i do i try and all you do is ignore. i told myself today will be the day to decide. since you really dont give a damn abt me when i do really care for you from the bottom of my heart, so be it. a grave mistake ive made was to think that you're my close close close friend and vice versa when truth is, you dont treat me like one. so let today be the end of everything i guess. it doesnt matter anymore because i know its pointless. you know i do care yet you ignore. and i fking hate it.

but still, let all these be part of my growing up and i know different ppl have different sets of problems. so i want all these problems and encounters to be part of me and as i grow, i know how to handle them and not let them control me. cause firstly, its my life. secondly, what i want and what i get is usually different. lastly, who said life was ever fair? no one did, neither do i expect it to be. i give my life unto daddy lord because my world is in a whirl now and i dont really know whats going on do i........anyway, the contender is the bestest bestest show ive ever watched in 53567423 years. from tt show, ive learnt a lot. like damn lot. you need not be the weakest link when everyone else think so and when the odds is 20 to 1. you can still win and ITS PROVEN.